We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
