his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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