so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
