So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
