he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
