I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
