HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
