haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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