its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize