wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
