i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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