I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
