At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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