you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
