My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
