I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
