so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize