I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
