Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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