I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
