I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
