Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
