I want to have your abortion
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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