You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
