Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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