I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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