I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize