He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
