My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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