too bad you live with your parents still
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
