I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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