yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
