i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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