Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
