she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
