i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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