as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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