I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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