If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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