There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
