Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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