And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
