I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
