its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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