we're chasing vodka with high fives
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
