I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
