dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
