look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
