I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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