jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
50% drunk capacity currently
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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