my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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