well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
