We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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