porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
