I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
