There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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