i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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